The past couple of months have been so amazing in my walk with Christ. I have a strong desire to know Him more, spend time with Him to know His Truth for me and my family. God has been speaking so clearly to Scott and I - giving us vision and dreams for how He wants to use us individually and as a family. He has placed some pretty amazing people in our lives that have encouraged us and are helping us grow and believing in us. Without a doubt, I can say this is the most incredible time and His presence is so powerful in our lives.
I've been reading my bible like never before and letting God reveal His Truth to me. I'm slowly but surely letting Him strip the layers of pride and self away and letting Him show me how much He loves me and how special He thinks I am...the Truth about who I am in Jesus Christ. My continued prayer has been "more of you, Lord, less of me." There is still something I've struggled with and I guess I really just pushed it aside thinking that as I grow in my faith, it will/I will get better. Hold that thought. I'll come back to this.
I've been blessed with an amazing mentor and a small group of girls that I get to meet with once a month. We met this past Tuesday and I was in the middle of sharing how excited I am about having a deeper relationship with God and how I can't get enough of my bible and podcasts, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! I admitted that I still see pride and selfishness as big problems in my life. My very wise mentor began to speak. She said, "Stop seeing yourself apart from God. You are 50/50 - 50% flesh and 50% Spirit." These two, the flesh and the Holy Spirit oppose each other. (Galatians 5:16) Everyday you walk with the same Spirit. You are one."
Your pride and selfishness are sin. Meditate on this: He himself is the sacrifice that atones for our sins—and not only our sins but the sins of all the world. (1 John 2:2)" Sure I know that Jesus died for my sins, but then she said something that hit me like a ton of bricks. "Jesus says, 'I forgive you of your sins. I paid for them already. I chose you, I love you. You don't have to feel guilty. Don't you see that?'" Whoa! Guilty? I don't have gui...Oh. My. Word. That's it. A light came on. You see the little thing, the struggle I mentioned above is this: I know Jesus lives in me, but why do I struggle with fruits of the Spirit flowing from my life? Example: how I respond to my girls when they are tattling, bickering over a toy or simply not listening. Letting the mask off here...I snap at my children at times, I raise my voice, yell if you will. I don't like it, but I do it. Here is the problem and here is where the "whoa" comes in. I immediately feel terrible for lashing out at the sweet blessings the Lord has given me. In a second, I am consumed with guilt opening up a door allowing the devil to come in and fill my head with lies. Here is what I often hear: No wonder I can't get pregnant and have another baby. Why would God want to give me another child when I can't even handle to 2 I have? Lies, lies, lies. And there I sit, consumed with this horrible guilt - sin - that I've already been set free from. SELFISH!
Here is the good news: I don't have to be ashamed or feel guilty. It's been paid for! Romans 8:1 says, there is no condemnation for those who belong to Jesus Christ! Talk about a breakthrough! Praise God! I learned that night that even if I feel myself starting to slip to raise my voice, that I have the authority to stop it. It's ok to admit to my girls that I messed up and that I'm sorry...use this as a teaching moment. "I'm not perfect, but God is!" I see now that I don't need to sit and feel guilty. Instead I must stop the behavior and put my focus back on the Truth. I must not allow guilt or allow myself to have a pity party. I must learn to deny myself so that my flesh my die and I'll walk in the Spirit just as God has intended. (Galatians 5:16)
I'm writing this to encourage you today and also as a reminder to myself. Don't let your selfishness, your guilt, your pride block God's POWER in your life. The same power that conquered the grave lives in you and me! (Romans 8:11) The very same power! My very same wise mentor that I mentioned above has also taught me that pity parties and selfishness block this Power.
Now what?
Jesus says, "Come to me..." (Matthew 11:28) so that is what I will do. I am praying and asking God to reveal to me how to let go of all that is holding me back. As I prayed this just this morning, a very wise 9 year old shared her version, a video via email, of Galatians 5:1 with me. "It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery." Seek God. Pray and read your bible. He will show you, too.
